early bloomer

I feel as though as young people, we are compelled to be great, put ourselves out there and let our intentions in this world be known. I don't know how it's going to end up because some of us aren't fully formed individuals yet.our passions may be or may not be unknown. we may be having trouble figuring out how to get our grove back or if we actually have groove at all.

I remember seeing myself as a very smart teenager; eager to learn, excited to make a mark, and just be one of the best people anyone would have an encounter with. The things i did then are very different to the person that i am now. Yes i was reserved but i was willing to fake it until i made it. I read books and knew so much! I was convinced i had a big IQ yet to be discovered and i knew words that i forgot now, remembered things i barely remember now. Its sad how my zest for a sense of individuality deteriorated as i got older.

In my mind, I would like to label it as being  an early bloomer when it came to things that required wisdom and knowledge, now it seems as though my mind only accommodates education, pharmacology and pharmacy school vocabularies that do not cater for my 'creative' side. It's safe to say that my brain seems to lack space for  creativity anymore and i want it back, i do. It is gonna take a while before i nurse myself back to being the fearless 'artist' that i once thought i'd grow into. 

At times i would listen to people talk, and all these smart things and wise words would ooze form their lips and would wish i too could be like that. I remember trying out public speaking in high school because i was told i wrote beautifully..It went great at first but soon the anxiety started to creep in and sadly, it never left. So i got comfortable with the writing and amateur drawing but the skill of drawing faded when i got to varsity though, and I've been trying to get it back. lol

okay, enough nostalgia...

i don't know when last did i have a mind blowing conversation where i put my point across without doubting if whether the right words came out of my mouth or not. These days all i do with some people  is small talk or avoid conversation all together. almost like i am afraid that the next person might think i'm not smart or wise enough. I've substituted conversation with silence,nodding and filling in my shallow thoughts where there is an awkward silence or a wait of response.

i am hungry for a stimulating conversation. i am hungry to spit out wit and have the next person amused at the magnitude of my wisdom. " she is wise beyond her years" i would want them to say.

I've met a lot of amazing people throughout my years and yes, people are smart out there but my socks are still intact. I need them to be blown off, i feel like i need an encounter, an encounter that could possibly lead me unlock the potential greatness in me and probably others as well.
 even if its just once because it will indeed make a difference.

I have gone dry, most of society has gone dry. its like most of the people i would normally render as cool are in a cave somewhere planning on taking over the world. little do they know, they've left me behind, and i'm having trouble thinking because they have sucked out all the energy of their breed to create something explosive.

i know i'm not the only one.

thanks for stopping by 


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